thick enough to need a spoon — vanilla is the safe pick, but seasonal flavors win when fresh

add bacon and a double patty if you're actually hungry, single is plenty otherwise

ask if there's a secret menu item that subs in, sometimes the best move

thick-cut, crispy batter, sub them in for fries when offered — they're always the better play

ask if it's house-made and warm, vanilla ice cream is the right pairing